S-Turns

Nobody is superior, nobody is inferior, but nobody is equal either.

People are simply unique, incomparable. 

You are you, I am I.

 

As I watch my ski buddies carve tight s-turns down the slope, I can't help but compare them to my own wide meanderings. In the paths of our skis, I start to doubt my abilities and my choices: "I chose the less optimal line", "I need to tighten up my form", or "I am less capable and I hope they'll invite me to tour again...". And I hustle up the skin track for another go- this time with the intention of proving via fall line and s-turn that I belong with these superior skiers on this unmarred hill- that I'm not just some poser chick in the backcountry.
 

And then, as I fly down a glacier in wide arcs, doubts dissolve into the multisensory experience of letting my turns- and my spirit- get as big as I dare to go. In the moment of absolute exertion and complete challenge, the gratitude for the moment returns to me and there is no longer room for something as insignificant and inaccurate as backcountry imposter syndrome. I am reminded that at the end of the day, we descend together... in our shared connection with nature, exhilaration, and humility.

 
Note: Opening quote by Osho
Image: Early season on Heliotrope Ridge by Jill Yotz, 2014
Further reading: How to Beat Impostor Syndrome on the Slopes via Verticulture ; I Don’t Deserve to be Here: Presence and the Impostor Syndrome by Amy Cuddy on Lean In; The Psychology of Climbing with Women via Verticulture